We've not always seen eye to EYE, you and I. I'd be lying if i said our relationship has always been plain sailing - far from it in fact. As soon as i could hold a hair brush, i hated your boring straight-ness, the way you just hung around my rose-y pink cheeks and blew in my face, sticking to my lips. I ENVIED those who had a head of crazy curls and would never ever know the pain of having to have your hair brushed when you were little. If only i knew then that i would waste an embarrassing amount of time throughout my teenage years trying; willing you to curl, twirl and to hold your own in anything other than your lank, straight and unimaginative state. Only to step outside and be right back to square one and almost a whole can of hairspray the worse off to boot.
Until one day, in a moment of MADNESS i discovered that my hair took quite nicely to bright blonde hair colour. It seemed you could do something AFTERALL! There was hope for us yet! And i never ever looked back, not even once. We were a match made in heaven you see: The girl with eyebrows and eyelashes so fair (and skin to match!) that it felt like my natural dark and mousey blonde hair was always giggling behind my back anyway. With hair so bright and so blonde i matched, i FINALLY matched. But you were more than that. With hair as bright as the sun i felt like I too, radiated a little bit of warm sunshine wherever i went and whoever i touched. I felt much more 'me' then and, as a seventeen year old it's ironic really because i hadn't got a clue who i was then. Not really. I was still a baby and i was still learning how to master this thing called LIFE.
But you made it easier, there's no doubting that. You don't have to have much to say when your hairs so BRIGHT that you could probably be spotted from the moon. Combined with a gradual love affair with anything colourful and printed and i didn't even have to utter a word most of the time. And that suited me just fine then you see. When you already feel awkward in your own skin and you're still learning about the things that go on inside your body, it makes sense that it's a welcome relief to not have to give quite SO much thought to the outside. It didn't matter if i preferred to be quiet, to listen and to simply think because even if there was nothing to say there was always you: Bright, blonde and forever something i was known for. Because if you ask people what they know me for, i can bet you that they'll probably recount my bright blonde hair, my precision and perfectly straight fringe and my brightly coloured creations. They might not even be able to tell you my name.
So if you ask me what CHANGED, then i have to hold up my hands and tell you that i really don't know. But last week i looked in the mirror and i didn't see me looking back anymore. So as quick as the decision to turn you the bright, bright blonde that i did came about; so too did the decision to ditch it.
And so TODAY, on the day that marks a week since i took what was, for me, a huge and hasty step, i want to say thanks for hanging around. And for not falling out too i guess. There's no regrets whatsoever. Of course they were there at first: Everything looked different, it even felt like people looked at me differently. But maybe it's all in my HAIR HEAD.
I'm not quiet anymore. I haven't been for what must be at LEAST ten years. I've got things to say, opinions i'm proud to have and places I want to go in my life. But more than that I know longer feel like i need to hide under that sweet little blonde bob. I'm still ME regardless. But something that might seem such a small and silly thing to somebody else has really changed my way of thinking, about every aspect of me and of my life.
There's no denying we've been through a LOT, everything really, you and I: I'd go as far as to say that we grew up together. You were my protection, my helmet and my safety net. Even if i hardly realised it at the time. You've got me where i am today. But the end of one thing marks the very beginning of another, don't you think? I'll miss you at times, i'm sure. But i'll remember our time together as a good and great one and one which, i was able to hide and figure this all out.
Coco Chanel was once very famously quoted as saying 'A woman who changes her hair is about to change her life.'
And I for one feel like i know exactly how she felt.